I Read What?!

So last time, we hit the end of Moreta's primary story. This is interesting, because we've hit the point where Moreta ends. There's an epilogue, of course, but we have no idea how the story will get from here to there. That's pretty interesting.

What's also interesting is that we're three chapters from the end. And it's funny to think about. When I look at this book objectively, I realize that not much really has happened. Nerilka suffers an off-screen tragedy, manages things at the estate, leaves in disgust, and goes to Ruatha. Objectively speaking, more happened in White Dragon. But at no point do I feel bored or restless when I read this book.

I think it's because, while the stakes are far lower than in White Dragon, and while not much seems to happen in terms of big events, there's still a lovely small scale sense of momentum. Nerilka is not a static character, and the emotional stages that she goes through in this book provide us with a sense of action, even when she herself is just going through the motions. It probably also helps that McCaffrey isn't going out of her way to portray Nerilka as the best thing ever or the most put-upon martyr in the world. She's a normal person, with some talents that are worthy of recognition, some obstacles in her path, and some goals that she can reach.

And it helps that the story is focused on the future and where Nerilka is going, rather than the past accomplishments that she's already done. I don't need my friend to make me a "shut up about the egg!" meme for Nerilka, thank goodness.

So let's see where Nerilka's going now!



We rejoin Nerilka, who is telling us about the difficult days after the tragedy. B'lerion has been staying with Oklina, who is pretty obviously Weyrbound. This helps, because B'lerion can give the characters (or more precisely, the emotionally invested readers) updates on the aftermath of the tragedy at the Weyrs.

B'lerion is the one to explain what happened, first filling them in on the practice of riders using one another's dragons. He seems to attribute the accident to Holth, who had "lost a lot of natural spring in her hindquarters", somehow, this led to her jumping up and between before Moreta could have told her where to fly.

I'm not sure this explanation makes sense to me, but okay.

We're told that when Tirone writes the ballad for Moreta, the Weyrleaders insist that Moreta be mounted on her own dragon. Apparently: "To broadcast the truth behind that tragedy could have done incalculable harm." How? Even Nerilka thinks that she might have preferred not to know.

Maybe I'm just insensitive, but I really don't see what difference this makes to the story.

And okay, this is a bit absurd:

Desdra also told me, since she knew me to be discreet and trustworthy, how the dragonriders had managed to make so many deliveries. This had contributed to their total exhaustion, a major factor in the tragedy: Dragons could go as easily between one time and another as one place to another. Moreta and Holth had overtaxed their strength in this way. For only by stretching time in this bizarre fashion, or rather doubling back on themselves, could Moreta and Holth manage to deliver serum to all the holds on the Keroon plains. Moreta had been the only one of the riders available that fateful day sufficiently familiar with Keroon’s many half-hidden holds to have succeeded in that task.

...why does this need to be known? I guess Desdra knows because of the whole supply run they did earlier. But why is she telling Nerilka? Why does Nerilka need to know? Nerilka is neither a dragonrider nor a wife of a dragonrider. The knowledge means nothing to her!

And yet:

Telgar Weyr was to suffer disciplinary action from the other Weyrs, led by Weyrwomen. They were unalterably convinced that had M’tani not been so intransigent and permitted his riders to fly, Moreta’s life would not have been lost. I never did learn what was done against Telgar Weyr. If Oklina ever knew, she never mentioned it.

...so Nerilka gets to learn that dragons time travel, a fact that is completely irrelevant to her every day life, which the readers already know, so it's not like we even get the mind-blowing surprise. But neither Nerilka nor the readers get to know how or even if Telgar Weyr gets punished?!?

But at least Nerilka now knows what everyone had been doing the day she arrived at Ruatha:

I also was now in a far better way of understanding how the six people—Alessan, Moreta, Capiam, Desdra, Oklina, and B’lerion—had spent that hour preceding my arrival at Ruatha I had previously assumed that supplies of needlethorn had been available, not that these six courageous people had dared to spend a whole day in the future harvesting the thorns on far Ista.

...why is this relevant? What dramatic difference does this make? We knew this and Nerilka has no reason to really care, except some slight increase of admiration of characters that she already admired.

We move out of exposition land when poor Alessan wakes up. Nerilka had been in the room dozing. He recognizes that Desdra drugged him and wants to know what happened. Nerilka fills him in (thankfully, we don't need to hear it again) and Alessan gets angry:

“But Leri and Orlith could go together!” His resentment and fury were compressed into that accusation.

“The eggs. Orlith stays until they hatch, Leri with her.”

“Brave Leri! Gallant Orlith !” His sarcasm made me flinch, but the agony in his rigid body, his clenched fists, told me that a different struggle was being fought. “Dragons and riders have many advantages denied us! Would that my father had released me on that Search! When I consider how much different my life would have been . . .” He turned away from me, his face toward the window. Then, because I knew his view included the burial mounds, I knew why he turned back, his shadowed eyes closed in the taut skin of his tormented face.

“So you have watched me while I slept, loyal Rill. And I shall have a new guardian, no doubt, whenever I wake, to keep me living a life I have no wish to live.”

...maybe, in hindsight, it might have been better to move the guy who lost 99% of his family before now to a room where he's not directly looking at the massive burial mounds?

Anyway, Nerilka insists that Alessan doesn't have the right to die and brings up his duty to Ruatha. She recognizes that duty, honor and tradition are "cold substitutes for a beautiful woman and her love", but it's what she's got. She says, as his holder, that she requires him to have an heir of his Blood. Unless he wants one of the other Holds to swallow Ruatha up, then she'll mix his fellis juice herself.

It's a pretty badass demand, I have to admit. And Alessan's got a surprising resposne:

“A bargain, then.” With a quickness I hadn’t expected from a man lying abed so wracked and spent with grief, he was upright, extending an implacable hand to me. “When you are with child, Nerilka, I’ll drink that cup.”

So Alessan knows who she is! I feel a bit cheated of a dramatic reveal, but this is pretty interesting in its own right. He knows who she is because of Suriana. Nerilka had mentioned that she sketched, and had mentioned seeing his sketches earlier in the novel. Well, apparently Suriana had sketched her foster sister as well, so Alessan recognized her immediately.

He hadn't said anything because he didn't know why she'd come. He kind of accuses her of seeking to revenge her family's deaths on him, but more in a lashing out, rather than a serious way.

So...this is how Alessan proposes marriage:

“Come, girl, it is not so bad a bargain, to be undisputed Lady Holder of Ruatha, and no Lord to abuse you forever. You can’t be afraid of me? I never beat Suriana. Surely she told you that I was a good husband to her.”

She had told me that, not in so many words, but implying much more than goodness, but the thought of her now dead, and of his so palpable grief for Moreta, made the tears flow down my cheeks again.

“You are kind and good and brave, and do not deserve to be so ill used by circumstance.”

“I seem unable to avoid misfortunes, Nerilka.” His voice was harsh, his face coldly set. “Spare me your pity. I have no use for it. Give me instead the child to carry on Ruathan Blood? And the cup?”

How I could have agreed to either part of the bizarre bargain I now wonder, but at the time I thought that surely when the worst of his grief had passed, Alessan would reconsider taking the cup even if I could find the courage to mix it. I would have said anything at that moment.

Ouch.

Though credit to McCaffrey, she hits the exact balance of...hm. Bastard boyfriend maybe? That I think a lot of romance novels aim for and miss, plummeting into sadism or abuse. (See: Christian Grey.)

Alessan is being cruel here, and it's hurting Nerilka, but it's not directed at her, per se? He's not trying to cause her pain. He might not even be aware of it. It's not great, but it's not a deal-breaker.

And Nerilka, fortunately, is able to assert herself when it's important to her. She's not about to fuck here and now, for example, choosing not to be Anella, in Tolocamp's bed an hour after he learned his wife was dead. (I'm not a fan of the potshot toward Anella, but I like Nerilka setting her boundaries.)

It seems to help. Sort of. Alessan is able to throw himself into Lord Holder duties with a drive that makes everyone but Nerilka relieved. He's pretty curt and emotionless, though.

But I really like this bit:

Ten days after Moreta’s death, at our somber evening meal, Alessan got to his feet, commanding our instant attention. He took a thin roll from his belt.

“Lord Tolocamp permits me to take his daughter, Lady Nerilka, as my wife,” he announced in his blunt, uninflected way.

Much later, I came across that roll, wedged in the back of a coffer. Tolocamp’s actual words were: “If she is there, take her. She is no longer kin of mine.” Alessan need not have spared my feelings; but it proved in yet another way that an essential goodness of spirit was imprisoned behind that emotionless facade."

It does help to know that even in this state, Alessan tried to show some kindness to his wife-to-be.

Of course, this is news to pretty much everyone else. Oklina and Tuero in particular are pretty shocked that Rill is Nerilka. But both are pretty happy anyway. Tuero smiles, the first one Nerilka's seen in ten days. Oklina hugs her.

Another bit I like:

“I have received permission from her Lord Holder. We have a harper present and sufficient witnesses, so the agreement can be formalized.”

“Surely not just like that?” Oklina protested, snapping her fingers.

I took her hand in mine, pressing it firmly. “Just like this, Oklina.” With my eyes, I begged her not to protest. “There is too much to be done to waste time, or marks that we don’t have, on ceremony.”

She allowed herself to be persuaded, but her little face was troubled. For my sake, I know. So I stood up, and Alessan took me by the hand, and we faced the assembled. He took a gold marriage mark from his pouch and repeated the formal request that I become his Lady Holder and wife, mother of his issue and honored before all others in Ruatha Hold. I took the mark—later I would see that it had been engraved with the day’s date—and told him that I accepted the honor to become his Lady Holder and wife, though it was hard for me to add, “mother of his issue and honored before all others.” But that was our bargain.

It's a little thing, but I like that Oklina is worried/upset for Nerilka here. It makes me feel like if Alessan DID cross the line into deliberate cruelty, Nerilka will have support in this corner.

It's still a pretty grim wedding day, and well, for the wedding night...:

He was kind, and very gentle, and it broke my heart to sense how mechanical he was about the business.

Well, we've seen worse. In this series even. Heck, this one's notable because it's actually fully consensual, even if it's not a great experience. That's pretty fucked up.

Anyway, we're told that not much else changes. Nerilka still prefers to act like "Rill". She does have contact with her uncle, who sends her the jewels she'd left with him and a small, heavy chest of "marks" as her dowry.

He also told me what Tolocamp had said when he learned of my whereabouts: “Ruatha Hold swallows all my women, and if Nerilka prefers Ruathan hospitality to mine, this is the end of her as my daughter.”

Was this really necessary, McCaffrey? You already let Tolocamp have his awful last word before. This is repetitive. That said, this is actually the better line from the one he said to Alessan, since it illustrates his extreme self-centeredness. Ruatha didn't swallow his women, he abandoned them there to die.

Munchaun himself wishes Nerilka good fortune. As for Anella:

Uncle added with great satisfaction that Anella had been infuriated by the news, having been certain that I was hiding in a sulk somewhere in the Hold. Finally she had complained bitterly about my continued absence to Tolocamp, who, indeed, hadn’t realized I was missing until that moment.

...okay this is a little funny. I do think this story from Anella's point of view would be an interesting writing exercise. I wonder how long she let Nerilka sulk (as far as she knew). It sounds like she didn't tattle right away.

So this chapter moves through time pretty quickly, and this part is pretty interesting:

Holdless men, their families crowded into wheeled carts or drays, arrived in a fairly steady stream. Oklina and I fed them and let the women wash in the bathing rooms, managing to establish certain standards and values about them. Tuero, Dag, Pol, Sal, and Deefer would chat up the men over a cup of klah or a bowl of soup. Follen would give them a once-over for health and fitness. Strangely enough, it was often Fergal who would have the final telling word, and to whom Alessan listened most acutely. He gleaned information from the children that sometimes did not tally with what the adults had said. Always to our advantage.

1) What does it mean to be "Holdless" per se? I can't imagine that they live outside where Thread falls. So what do they do?

2) What does "managing to establish certain standards and values about them" mean??

3) I do like this vetting process though, and that Fergal is a tiny spy.

Anyway, they do manage to attract a lot of younger sons of lateral bloodlines of other Holds, and everything starts to fill up.

And then, the Hatching is announced. And Alessan stuns Nerilka by asking if she has a gown suitable for the event.

“You cannot want to go?”

“Want, no! But the Lord and Lady of Ruatha will not absent themselves from this Hatching. Oklina deserves our support!” The look on his face chided me that I could even for a moment consider any other course. He was grimy with travel, for he had ridden far to settle the new occupants of one of the pasture holds. “Look through the chests in my mother’s room. She always had fabrics put by. You’re too tall to fit anything already made.” A shadow crossed his face, and he quickly went to bathe.

a) Hm. Okay. I was annoyed at the mention of their marriage at the Hatching in Moreta, but I admit it does work better in the context here.

b) It helps that Nerilka initially didn't expect/want to go.

c) How the hell would she have a dress, dude? Do you think she packed one in her luggage when she came as an itinerant Healer? Men!

He came to me every night, kind and thorough, until the morning when we both knew I had not yet conceived. I cannot tell you how relieved I was, that feeling overpowering any sense of failure that I had not immediately conceived for him, for it meant he must live another month at least. I would have that much more of his company to remember. I could no longer deny to myself that Alessan had always been important to me from the moment he had married my dear Suriana, just as Ruatha had been the haven denied me first by the circumstance of her death, and then by my parents’ arbitrary decision at Gathertime. Now he was vital to my heart and soul in a way that I never could have anticipated in the wildest flight of fancy. I treasured every casual touch; sometimes, in the night, I would feel his questing hand, as if to reassure his sleeping self that I was still there. I cherished each word he spoke of approval for my management, my suggestions. I stored them up, as others might hoard marks or harvests, to strengthen me in the famine of his absence.

This is bitter sweet and sad. But also, how the fuck would they be able to tell THAT MORNING if she conceived?! Alessan's psychic, but not that psychic! And I'm pretty sure implantation takes a while?

But anyway, Oklina, Nerilka, and two of the new women, end up sewing the dress out of soft red fabric. Which makes an interesting little parallel to Anella wanting gowns earlier. Admittedly, Nerilka only needs one gown, not a full wardrobe or whatever. But it's still worth poking at a little. The narrative doesn't really, though we're told that Oklina chatters about Hold History and even some anecdotes about Suriana, which makes Nerilka very happy. Apparently no one in Fort Hold had been interested in stories from Nerilka's fostering days, so she'd never really had a chance to talk about her best friend.

And I'm including this bit here to lighten some of the bleakness:

Gradually, I rediscovered pleasure in Ruatha, in building the new foundations, in welcoming new holders and settling them. We practiced every economy, of which I contributed my own share by way of that chest of marks and the management I had learned from my lady mother.

And things aren't too bad with Alessan or Nerilka either, apparently they work well, side by side, doing Record-stuff in "companionable silence". He even seems to relax a little, though he inevitably returns to that "terrible, sad isolation."

Aw. The chapter ends here.