I Read What?!

So, the time comes to ask: does the Crystal Shard by R. A. Salvatore withstand the test of time?

No. Sorry. It doesn't even really pass muster for 1989. Not when you have one female character with a speaking role, period. And she's present for maybe three scenes. We didn't even get any decent background roles for women! There were no female barbarian elders, no dwarf matriarchs in the wings, no female councilwomen, no women among the fishermen or the fighters. They weren't even mentioned!

The female characters besides Catti-brie who were even mentioned were Akar Kessell's mindless sex slaves. And oh by the way, what happened to them? Did they just die in collapse of Kessell's tower? Did our noble hero even spare a thought for them while he searched for his friends?

I know that later books will do a better job with this, but I haven't gotten to those books yet. This book is infuriating.

As to the Plot:

Well, there's not much to speak of. Though I'm willing to cut it a little more slack here. This was written during a time when pretty much every TSR book (the company that later got bought out by Wizards of the Coast) was just a retelling of someone's D&D campaign. It's not deep, and it's a bit scattered, but it is at least coherent which is a step above, say, Shadowdale.

I think there are ways that it could have been tied together better. Copperfyre and I were discussing one really good idea, which I'll get into later. But that said, it's readable and mostly enjoyable.

I do wish that we'd gotten a bit more of the time in which Wulfgar was living with Bruenor. The "slavery" thing is uncomfortable. Even if we're looking at as more of a forced fostering kind of scenario. Wulfgar spent years below ground, without seeing the sun. That's monstrous no matter how you look at it. But it might have been more palatable if we'd gotten to see the other aspects of their relationship. It's clear Bruenor sees Wulfgar as a surrogate son, and Wulfgar does clearly love him too. I think it would have helped us a lot to see that.

Also, it might have helped to put more definition to Wulfgar and Catti-brie's relationship too. Aside from her showing up randomly to demonstrate she knows him better than anyone else and then scamper off.

The strongest part, IMO, was the pitched battle with Kessell's troops. I liked the juxtaposition of Drizzt's (and Regis's damnit) heroics with the great big battle. I liked seeing Bruenor and Wulfgar among the fighting, and Salvatore did a great job of humanizing Cassius, Glensather, Agorwal and even Kemp along the way and making me care about whether or not they lived or died. And well, we knew a few of them probably weren't going to make it out, so that added more suspense.

As for Characters:

This is frustrating for me, because in some ways, I think Mr. Salvatore did a really good job: Regis, Bruenor, Drizzt, and Wulfgar are all very vivid characters with very distinct personalities. And as mentioned, I can see why Drizzt will become the flagship character, though between you and me, I like Wulfgar a lot more. I already know that later books are really going to upset me there.

I wish Salvatore would actually read what he writes about Regis, because he seems to think he's written Regis as this goofy comic relief guy who gets undeserved credit every time there's a crisis. But that's not what the text actually shows us. The text actually shows us Regis reaching out to a man he thinks he's in trouble, realizing that it's that southern dude who was helping the barbarians, and defending himself. The text shows us Regis, alone, going into the lair of a veritable god on the off chance he might be able to save the towns. And honestly, that moment where Regis was alone with Kessell, realizing that his ruby didn't work, that was single best scene in the book in terms of showing us how a clever character reasons his way into an advantage.

Regis is a great character and he deserves more recognition from the narrative and from his friends, damnit.

And then there's Drizzt. Drizzt is a good character, but I think he benefits way too much from narrative contrivance in this book. Even when it makes no sense. He's basically the opposite of Regis, because Salvatore keeps telling us how clever and wise he is, but that doesn't tend to come across very well in the book to me. I mean he has moments: trying to trick Errtu into thinking he was a drow emissary was pretty good. But a lot of times his triumphs just seem to be out of nowhere or miraculously contrived.

Drizzt figures out some fucking tapestry based on an old drow legend. Which requires Akar Kessell to actually know an old drow legend. Yeah that's likely. (This one might have been salvageable if we were told Errtu decorated the tower. Errtu actually did work with drow after all, and he might have liked the story.) Drizzt figures out the way into Wulfgar's treasure lair through...what...osmosis?

Look, I can accept that a twelve year old Wulfgar remembered those very complicated directions from his father. Many nomadic peoples, especially ones without written languages, have very evolved oral traditions and memory. I'll go with that. But somehow Drizzt follows him, without doing any of the prep, and even for parts he couldn't possibly have known about (with the waterfall, et al.)

The biggest issue I have with Drizzt is that while he does have a very distinct personality, I don't think it's necessarily the personality that Salvatore meant to show us. He doesn't come across as wise, humble or stoic to me. Wulfgar does, to an extent, but not Drizzt. Drizzt comes across, to me, as a pontificating self-serving martyr.

I mean take their living conditions: Wulfgar is a seven foot tall man who lives in the dwarf tunnels. This isn't comfortable, obviously. These tunnels are designed for people a good three or four feet shorter than him. Miraculously he isn't stooped or malformed, but we'll let that go. He doesn't complain, because while it's uncomfortable, it's how things are. He's a prisoner and he doesn't have a choice in where he lives.

That's stoicism.

Drizzt lives in a cave. He doesn't have to live in a cave. He's got friends in powerful places. He could live with the dwarves. He could live with Regis. He could live in Termalaine. He chooses not to. He's got his reasons, sure, and they're understandable. The dwarf tunnels are uncomfortable for non dwarves. Humans side eye him a lot. Okay. But then don't turn around and try to convince me that I'm supposed to pity Drizzt for his solitude and privation. He had a choice between discomforts and he chose this.

Drizzt is a self-inflicted martyr. And while he may not complain, the narrative is happy to complain for him.

And honestly, it's dumb. This isn't real world racism here. The fear that the humans have toward drow is completely justified. Drizzt is the ONLY good-aligned drow in the franchise at this time. All they know of drow is that they send raiding parties to murder pretty much everyone. Drizzt could put in the effort to show people that he is a good man. He's already convinced his comrades, he'd won over Agorwal during the barbarian raid, he's won over Wulfgar and Revjak, likely Cassius and Jensin too, since then. Now there are some folk he won't ever win over, like Kemp, but he has a chance to win over a lot of others.

If he'd gone to Termalaine, or with Regis after the barbarian invasion, he would have been uncomfortable for a while. His neighbors would dislike him. He'd be distrusted. But gradually he'd win them over, like he's won over pretty much everyone else. The discomfort would lessen, it might have even gone away. And you know what? Maybe he would have been able to get more people to listen to his warnings about Kessell at that point.

The townsfolk's stupidity isn't Drizzt's fault, but it might have been avoidable.

But part of Drizzt's schtick is noble suffering, so we have to keep going with it, even if the suffering makes no sense. I'd honestly respect it more if Drizzt just said "I did some terrible things a long time ago, and I'm trying to atone for them." But that would require Drizzt to actually have done something terrible, and I'm not sure that Mr. Salvatore is willing to go that far. (We'll see when I get to the Dark Elf Trilogy).

And honestly, I'm not really sure how noble and honorable he actually is. I mean, he talks a good game. But I seem to remember him being a hothead and goading a much younger, more impressionable youth into battle with him instead of waiting for the dwarves to help, hiding treasure from that same youth, and leaving Regis and Guen in a collapsing Tower with no thought about them for at least two chapters. I'm just saying, Drizzt's actions don't necessarily match what I'm supposed to think about him.

But frustrations aside, Drizzt is a very well developed character. I might find him irritating, but I find him irritating in the way that I would find a real person with his personality irritating. So...well done.

So now for the big elephant in the room: the Villain.

Akar Kessell is terrible and he brings the entire book down. There's no point where he's remotely plausible as a villainous threat. Even with his powers, it's clear from the beginning that the heroes will outwit him. There's no suspense here. It's just tedious.

The sad thing is, it really didn't have to be this bad. There are adversaries that are actually interesting in this book: the original wizards who set Akar up, Errtu to some extent, and the most interesting of all of the villains: Heafstaag and the barbarians!

Imagine for a moment that Kessell didn't find the shard. Instead, after the Ten Towns and dwarves routed the barbarians initially, Heafstaag becomes separated from his tribe. Perhaps he leaves in disgrace from having been defeated by a weak magical elf type. Perhaps he goes on some sort of sojourn to Tempos. Perhaps he just gets separated in the retreat. Either way, he ends up on the right mountain and finding the shard.

Then you have a formidable villain. Heafstaag was not an idiot. He was clever and formidable, and has a history of being a good strategist or tactician. He had grand plans for his people and had been thwarted by a once-in-a-lifetime alliance. He needs to rebuild, so why not use this artifact to help get revenge back.

Heafstaag as a villain would actually be dangerous. It would also be more emotionally impactful for Wulfgar, whose plot could be the same mostly, but with more urgency, since the barbarians rather than the monster army would be the big threat. We could even have Wulfgar's silly anti-magic rants actually relevant, because Heafstaag, in using the shard to try to enforce/protect the barbarian culture would actually be profoundly transgressing it. It could be a symbol of how he's losing his own identity to the shard.

The weaknesses would be different. Heafstaag, from a race uncomfortable with magic, would be less likely to fully embrace the shard's power. At least at first, he'd use it only sparingly and unimaginatively. It's be a blunt instrument. Crenshinibon would have a lot harder a time manipulating a mind like Heafstaag's, since Heafstaag has a strong will. It would have to be subtle, insidious. And we'd see as the book continued, Crenshinibon getting more and more influence. He becomes more formidable with its use, embraces its power, but losing himself in the process. Then when we get to the inevitable avalanche defeat (something a tundra-native like Heafstaag would never ordinarily overlook) it would feel like a satisfying end.

Sadly, we got Kessell instead.

So last time, a series of bullshit shenanigans led to Drizzt Do'Urden defeating a godlike artifact with a fucking flour sack and I'm still not quite over it.

I mean, it's not Shapechangers bad, at least. But it was still pretty bad.

Also Copperfyre pointed out to me that when Drizzt jumped in the mirror after Kessell, he left Regis behind in a collapsing tower. Dick move, dude.

So now, chapter thirty. "The Battle of Icewind Dale".

( Yay, possibly characters I actually care about )

So last time, Regis got sent on a mission. He's probably going to be okay because he's one of the named characters, but I admit that I'm curious to see what will happen. So far, Regis has been primarily treated as comic relief, and his legitimate victories (like when he killed that southern dude that was helping the barbarians at the beginning) have been mostly downplayed.

I could see this going either way: with success, or with failure resulting in Regis needing to be rescued. Either seems possible. This could be Regis's time to shine.

( I mean it IS against the Worst Villain Ever, but I'm still rooting for Regis. )

So last time, Drizzt fought a demon with a magic scimitar. As one does. This time, we rejoin Wulfgar, who's got his issues.

( I'm proud of my giant barbarian fictional son )

It occurs to me that should I decide to review the next book in this series, I should review more than one chapter at a time, because these reviews go by so slowly that the book seems like a Moby Dick length novel. It's not. The chapters are just really short.

Oh well, I'll think about it for next time.

So anyway, last time, we got the start of the invasion and things are looking really bad.

( So what are our heroes doing at a time like this? )

So last time, Wulfgar's father was the luckiest shit alive, Drizzt has a Gary Stu's direction sense, Wulfgar talks politely to a dragon, then they kill it dead. Fun times.

( So Wulfgar remembered all those directions since before he was twelve??? )

Last time, we saw a bunch of asshole politicians too caught up in their petty squabbles to deal with a threat that might kill everyone.

It's a little depressing how a silly fantasy book from 1988 can resonate so damn much . But as this is not a political blog, I will stop there. Anyway let's get back to our heroes, who at least have a decent shot of actually fighting the threat that might kill everyone.

( If only we could send Drizzt Do'Urden to fight climate change )

It really is astonishing how much more fun and interesting this book is when we're focused on the actual heroes as opposed to that stupid fucking shard. And in this chapter, we continue the fun, as Drizzt and Wulfgar prepare their assault on Biggrin's lair.

( Boys just want to have fun )

So last chapter, we actually had some interesting things happen. We had a villain centered narrative that didn't make my eyes roll so much that they hurt, and we got some good Drizzt and Wulfgar development to boot. So here's hoping this chapter keeps up the momentum.

The name of the chapter is "Shallow Graves" by the way, so that's probably a good sign.

( I'll take what I can get )

So I ended up taking a bit of a hiatus from the blog due to a trip and some fun distractions afterward, but I think I'm back now and raring to go.

So, since this chapter's subtitle is "Lavender Eyes", I'm thinking that finally, FINALLY means that we're going to get the meeting between Wulfgar and Drizzt.

It also makes me wonder where guys get off when they call characters like Rey from Star Wars "Mary Sue". Drizzt Do'Urden has purple fucking eyes.

( Dude's the Biggest Mary Sue I've Ever Seen )