I Read What?!

So last time, Roddy learned that his quarry was still alive, while Drizzt proved that actually, beggars CAN be choosers.



We start this chapter with Tephanis. Tephanis has, it seems, had no trouble tracking down the friars and Drizzt. Roddy had sent him to scout with directions to send Drizzt back to Roddy and his axe.

Tephanis is more genre savvy than Roddy. He remembers how powerful Ulgulu and Caroak were, and Drizzt dispatched them. Tephanis isn't interested in searching for yet another master. Instead, he wants to put an end to Drizzt himself.

Oh, remember how much Drizzt was a judgmental asshole to these friars?

Brother Mateus led the way into the tunnel, with another friar at his side and the remaining three completing a shielding circle around Drizzt. Drizzt had requested this so that he could remain inconspicuous if anyone happened by. He kept his cloak pulled up tightly and his shoulders hunched. He stayed low in the middle of the group.

They are literally shielding him. He's supposed to be their bodyguard, but they're shielding him from detection. Maybe you could be a little more grateful, rather than treat this like a deep terrible trial from your Goddess, you asshole?

Okay, okay, Drizzt hasn't pissed me off yet this chapter, so I should be fairer.

So they head down their usual passage. There's an iron door open, with a pitch black passage beyond. The friars consider this: there's a risk that strangers to the path might end up turning down the wrong path. One suggests just closing the door. Mateus vetoes: there might be someone down there, a merchant perhaps, who would not be happy if they did that.

Incoherent Brother Jankin shouts that it's a sign from God (which God? My guess is Ilmater. Or it would be Ilmater, if he'd been invented by Greenwood and company at this point. He's the good God of martyrdom, sacrifice and mercy, so he'd fit) that they've been beckoned toward "Phaestus, the ultimate suffering."

The brothers are apparently used to this, and Mateus and some other dude basically tackle him. Drizzt asks who Phaestus is.

“Hephaestus,” Brother Mateus corrected.

Drizzt did know the name. One of the books he had taken from Mooshie’s Grove was of dragon lore, and Hephaestus, a venerable red dragon living in the mountains northwest of Mirabar, had an entry.

“That is not the dragon’s real name, of course,” Mateus went on between grunts as he struggled with Jankin. “I do not know that, nor does anyone else anymore.” Jankin twisted suddenly, throwing the other monk aside,  and promptly stomped down on Mateus’s sandal.

“Hephaestus is an old red dragon who has lived in the caves west of Mirabar for as long as anyone, even the dwarves, can remember,” explained another friar, Brother Herschel, one less engaged than Mateus. “The city tolerates him because he is a lazy one and a stupid one, though I would not tell him so. Most cities, I presume, would choose to tolerate a red if it meant not fighting the thing! But Hephaestus is not much for  pillaging-none can recall the last time he even came out of his hole-and he even does some ore-melting for hire, though the fee is steep.”

I'm fascinated by this dragon who apparently has a job, of sorts. Even if it's an expensive one.

During the explanation, Jankin gets loose.

Jankin bolted free, for just a moment. Quicker than anyone could react, Drizzt threw off his cloak and rushed after the fleeing monk, catching him just inside the heavy iron door. A single step and twisting maneuver put Jankin down hard on his back and took the wild-eyed friar’s breath away.

“Let us get by this region at once,” the drow offered, staring down at the stunned friar. “I grow tired of Jankin’s antics-I might just allow him to run down to the dragon!”

I mean...you could just let him. Freedom of choice and all that. The other brothers would likely be upset, but you don't care for them anyway.

It is starting to sound though like Jankin is less a religious fanatic and more mentally ill.

They go to depart when suddenly a cry for help comes down the tunnel. Drizzt pulls out his scimitars while the friars peer around him. Tephanis, behind them, is trying not to giggle. Quicklings, we're told, are adept ventriloquist. Though it's actually difficult to keep his cries slow enough for them to understand.

Drizzt steps in, and the friars, sobered by the distress call (even Jankin!) follow. Drizzt is about to send them back (realizing it might be a trap) when the door closes and locks behind them. Oops.

So they're trapped. The friars call for help until Drizzt reminds them that their screams might travel farther down the tunnel.

Okay, I admit, this bit is funny:

“We are lost,” groaned Mateus. “We have no way out, and our stores are not too plentiful”

“Another sign!” Jankin blurted suddenly, but two of the friars knocked him down and sat on him before he could run off toward the dragon’s den.

“Perhaps there is something to Brother Jankin’s thinking,” Drizzt said after a long pause.

Mateus looked at him suspiciously. “Are you thinking that our stores would last longer if Brother Jankin went to meet Hephaestus?” he asked.

Drizzt actually laughs too. No. No sacrifices, not even willing ones. But it's the only way out. And he has an idea.

Drizzt remembers what Montolio taught him about dragons - and that Montolio had lost his eyes to one. Though, aside from that part, the memories of the battle weren't so terrible. Hm, it sounds a bit "other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?" to me. But okay.

Drizzt pulls out his book of dragons. His eyes don't need much light, so he can read it with just the small candle. The book confirms that Hephaestus was named for an obscure god of blacksmiths (I've always found the trickling in of Norse, Greek and Egyptian Gods into Forgotten Realms lore interesting. Tyr and Baldur, for example, actually found a place in the local pantheon. And I think the Egyptian ones ended up in Mulhorand?)

Anyway, the entry is pretty basic tales from merchants who hired him for his breath/melting skill. Some tales of merchants who said the wrong thing or haggled too much and never came out. The book confirms though that Hephaestus is proud, lazy, somewhat stupid, and able to speak common, but "lacking in the area of suspicious insight normally associated with the breed.")

Mateus is a bit annoyed at Drizzt. Another brother is trying to pick the locked door and he thinks Drizzt might have better luck - Drizzt isn't interested. Mateus doesn't see the point of reading at a time like this, and Drizzt would rather be cryptic than enlighten him. Classic Drizzt.

Later, Mateus checks on Drizzt again and finds him reading about a black Dragon.

“Hephaestus is a red” Mateus remarked scornfully, “not a black.”

“This is a different dragon” Drizzt explained. “Mergan-devinasander of Chult, possibly a visitor to converse with Hephaestus.”

Brother Mateus was at a complete loss. “Reds and blacks do not get on well,” he snipped, his skepticism obvious. “Every fool knows that.”

“Rarely do I listen to fools,” Drizzt replied, and again the friar turned and walked away, shaking his head.

“There is something more that you do not know, but Hephaestus most probably will,” Drizzt said quietly, too low for anyone to hear. “Mergandevinasander has purple eyes!” Drizzt closed the book, confident that it had given him enough understanding to make his attempt. If he had ever witnessed the terrible splendor of a venerable red before, he would not have been smiling at that moment. But both ignorance and memories of Montolio bred courage in the young drow warrior who had so little to lose, and Drizzt had no intention of giving in to starvation for fear of some unknown danger. He wouldn’t go forward either, not yet.

Look, I appreciate Drizzt's cleverness here. And I'm sure the whiny friars are annoying. But Drizzt could just SAY that he has a plan here. Mateus doesn't seem to be an unreasonable person. He's just reacting to the stressful situation and the fact that they've been waiting for three candle-lengths for Drizzt to read a book!

He does need to practice his dragon voice.

So we get to see the dragon's lair now:

Of all the splendors Drizzt had seen in his adventurous life, none-not the great houses of Menzoberranzan, the cavern of the illithids, even the lake of acid-began to approach the awe-inspiring spectacle of the dragon’s  lair. Mounds of gold and gems filled the huge chamber in rolling waves, tike the wake of some giant ship on the sea. Weapons and armor, gleaming magnificently, were piled all about, and the abundance of crafted items-chalices, goblets and the like-could have fully stocked the treasure rooms of a hundred rich kings.

Drizzt had to remind himself to breathe when he looked upon the splendor. It wasn’t the riches that held him so-he cared little for material things-but the adventures that such wondrous items and wealth hinted at tugged Drizzt in a hundred different directions. Looking at the dragon’s lair belittled his simple survival on the road with the Weeping Friars and his simple desire to find a peaceful and quiet place to call his home. He thought again of Montolio’s dragon tale, and of all the other adventurous tales the blind ranger had told him. Suddenly he needed those adventures for himself.

Drizzt wanted a home, and he wanted to find acceptance, but he realized then, looking at the spoils, that he also desired a place in the books of the bards. He hoped to travel roads dangerous and exciting and even write his own tales.

It sounds like Drizzt has finally clued the friars in. They'll be waiting for his signal. Mateus nods tentatively, still wondering if it had been wise to trust the drow. Drizzt had been a valuable ally to the pragmatic friar on the road these last few months, but a dragon was a dragon.

Yeah, that's fair. But what can you do.

So Drizzt puts a darkness spell on an arrow and starts climbing the mound. He uses levitation (which works for a split second only) and shoots the arrow. Then he meets the dragon:

Those eyes! Like twin beams of damnation, their gaze latched onto Drizzt, bored right through him, impelled him to fall on his belly and grovel for mercy, and to reveal every deception, to confess every sin to Hephaestus, this god-thing. The dragon’s great, serpentine neck angled slightly to the side, but the gaze never let go of the drow, holding him as firmly as one of Bluster the bear’s hugs.

So how's this going to work?

This part of the plan was not too difficult for Drizzt, for he truly believed in his words. “Hephaestus!” he cried in the common tongue. “Can it be, at long last? Oh, most magnificent! More magnificent than the tales, by far!”

Drizzt lays it on thick. Hephaestus is perplexed that a dark elf would seek out Hephaestus, Destroyer of Cockleby, Devourer of Ten Thousand Cattle...lots of titles. A LOT of titles. Drizzt pretends his own confusion as to why Heph's calling him a dark elf.

Drizzt then spins a story of having been ambushed by adventurers. He'd managed to roast a paladin (a quickly added detail that Heph quite likes) but the wizard - and here, he thinks about poor Clacker and his experiences, got him with a polymorph spell.

Drizzt nodded solemnly. “An evil spell. Took my form, my wings, and my breath, tet I remained Mergandevinasander in thought, though . ..” Hephaestus widened his eyes at the pause, and the pitiful, confused look that Drizzt gave actually backed the dragon up.

“I have found this sudden affinity to spiders,” Drizzt muttered. “To pet them and kiss them ...” So that is what a disgusted red dragon looks like, Drizzt thought when he glanced back up at the beast. Coins and trinkets tinkled all throughout the room as an involuntary shudder coursed through the dragon’s spine.

The friars, listening, are speechless in awe. Heh.

Hephaestus wants to know why Drizzt came. Drizzt says he tried Menzoberranzan, but they couldn't help, but maybe "one of [his] own kind" - this is a mistake though. Dragons are apparently pretty type-oriented.

Drizzt distracts him by pretending awe at the scorch marks on the walls:

“What god has come down to you, mighty Hephaestus, and blessed you with such a spectacle of power? Nowhere in all the realms is there stone so torn! Not since the fires that formed the world . . .”

“Enough!” Hephaestus boomed. “You who are so learned does not know the breath of a red?”

“Surely fire is the means of a red,” Drizzt replied, never taking his gaze from the alcove, “but how intense might the flames be? Surely not so as to wreak such devastation!”

“Would you like to see?” came the dragon’s answer in a sinister, smoking hiss.

“Yes!” Drizzt cried, then, “No!” he said, dropping into a fetal curl. He knew he was walking a tentative line here, but he knew it was a necessary gamble. “Truly I would desire to witness such a blast, but truly I fear to feel its heat.”

“Then watch, Mergandevinasander of Chult!” Hephaestus roared. “See your better!” The sharp intake of the dragon’s breath pulled Drizzt two steps forward, brought his white hair stinging around into his eyes, and nearly tore the blanket-cloak from his back. On the mound behind him, coins toppled forward in a noisy rush.

If there's one thing Drizzt knows, it's how to provoke a powerful egotist. So after his display, Drizzt pretends awe and terror. Some of it isn't even pretense, admittedly. Heph is willing to allow him to depart alive, but Drizzt is a good dude and wants to help the annoying friars too.

So, Drizzt plays it up more, begging Heph to devour him rather than leave him with the shame of this form.

“Alas for all the dragonkind!” Drizzt wailed. “Our numbers ever decreasing, while the humans multiply like vermin. Alas for the treasures of dragons, to be stolen by wizards and paladins!” The way he spat that last word gave Hephaestus pause.

“And alas for Mergandevinasander,” Drizzt continued dramatically, “to be struck down thus by a human wizard whose power outshines even that of Hephaestus, mightiest of dragonkind!”

THAT gets Hephaestus's back up. But Drizzt plays it up further - why else would Heph refuse to help him. He starts spinning the idea that the tale of Heph's cowardice - that he dare not dispel the curse, would spread, causing adventurers to see him as weak and then try their luck.

Hephaestus likes his way of living, we're told. And honestly, as dragon schtick goes, Heph's really seems rather benign. Well, except for a few merchants. He doesn't want to be annoyed by adventurers. So he declares he'll contemplate the spell and fix things tomorrow.

Drizzt doesn't doubt it, but he has another problem - he can't wait a day. And what if Hephaestus actually succeeded?! So he switches tactics. He starts suggesting that a black's breath has advantage over a red's. This leads to something of a boast off, with Drizzt pretending humility while praising the uses of acid. This causes Heph to give a demonstration.

He signals the friars to run (they're reluctant, but Mateus comes through for everyone and urges them forward - pulling poor Jankin by the hair to keep him from running the wrong way.) We're told that even their terror doesn't stop them from grabbing a few baubles. I'm sure Drizzt will judge this, but what the fuck ever man.

Anyway, the jig is up. Things get exciting with the lunging and snapping, and riding a dragon's head, holding on by the horn as he tries to shake him free.

...this bit makes me think...

Without the slightest hesitation, the drow flung the dirt down into the dragon’s evil eye.

Hephaestus is evil, because red dragons are always evil, right? And indeed, sometimes he does eat the occasional merchant. But for the most part, it seems like Hephaestus has a working relationship with the nearby town. He's a part of commerce. He even performs a service. HE wasn't the aggressor here.

I'm not saying that Drizzt was wrong to try to trick him. But it's interesting nonetheless. Based on his actions solely in this book, Hephaestus hasn't actually done anything to deserve Drizzt's trickery.

We don't want him to eat Drizzt or the friars. And we believe he would if he knew they were there.

...but is this really any different than the townsfolk who reject Drizzt?

They don't know Drizzt any more than Drizzt knows Hephaestus. Hell, what Drizzt DOES know of Hephaestus suggests that there are circumstances where the dragon might be reasonable. That's more than anyone (yet) knows of Drizzt.

They assume that a drow elf being there means there'll be a drow elf raiding party that will murder them. And generally speaking, at least at this point in the setting, that's pretty much true. (I have no idea where the Eilistraee followers are supposed to be right now, but presumably they're off hidden in the woods or something.)

Hephaestus is evil because all red dragons are evil. That's a statement of fact. Drizzt is evil because all drow are evil is not a statement of fact.

It reminds me of Catti-brie happily mowing down duergar, only to be devastated at killing the human wizard who was trying to murder her. In a book about a good dark elf.

I feel like there's a lot to be examined here. That's all.

Anyway, the scene goes on a bit longer. Drizzt finally does get away, when Hephaestus realizes that, in his attempts to burn Drizzt, he's melted all his gold. Oh hey...

Drizzt managed to pocket a few baubles as he rushed out, his retreat covered by the din of the frustrated dragon’s tantrum. The chamber was large and Drizzt was not quite gone when Hephaestus recovered and spotted him. Confused but no less enraged, the dragon roared and started after Drizzt.

Looks like Drizzt isn't above filling his pockets either. How much you want to bet he gets judgy about the brothers? (Actually, if I recall, Drizzt will donate his to the group, allowing him to keep his moral high ground. Hmph.)

But we'll see next time. What we know is that Drizzt and company gets away.

The chapter ends with a sad dragon:

The thieves had made the exit by now, the dragon knew; he would have to go out under the wide sky if he wanted to catch them-not a wise proposition at this time of year, considering the dragon’s lucrative business. In the end, Hephaestus settled the dilemma as he settled every problem; He vowed to thoroughly eat the next merchant party that came his way. His pride restored in that resolution, one that he undoubtedly would forget as soon as he returned to his sleep, the dragon moved back about his chamber, re-piling the gold and salvaging what he could from the mounds he inadvertently had melted.

So we see that Drizzt is absolutely right to assume that Hephaestus is just like every other red dragon and trick him and destroy his stuff, while everyone who judges Drizzt ahead of time is completely wrong.

I'm being nitpicky. It was actually a really fun chapter to read. But it does make one think a little bit...

Has there ever been a story about a good chromatic dragon? Or an evil metallic dragon? If not, why not? It's all fictional beings, after all. What makes one fictional race more redeemable than another?