I Read What?!

So last time, the already horrible relationship between Alix and Duncan got physically abusive. Because I didn't hate this racist bullshit book enough apparently, I needed to see a thirty year old attack his seventeen year old, pregnant wife.

Four stars on goodreads.



So we rejoin Alix as someone's coming into her pavilion. She thinks it's Duncan, so she quickly tries to wipe her tears away so she can meet her abusive asshole husband with dignity, but it's Finn instead.

Finn is actually tolerable here, in a way that makes me wish I read the book Roberson thought she was writing. He notes that Duncan passed by, "black of face and very black of mood". He asks if they had their first fight. And just to remind me that he IS a dick, he calls her meijha.

When Alix insists it's not his concern, he notes that Duncan is his brother, and Alix his sister, so it's always his concern. God, I still hate that Roberson made her First Nation allegories the kind of people that are apparently fine with the idea of a dude calling a woman his mistress and his sister in almost the same breath.

For the record, my non-canon Cheysuli Keighvin thinks this is creepy as fuck. Because I refuse to let incest apologia define the only non-white characters in this bullshit story.

Anyway, Finn actually decides to be a human being for once. He notes that just because Duncan's his brother, it doesn't make him perfect, and if Alix wants to tell him how "abominable he is being to [her]", he's willing to listen.

Alix protests "abominable", but Finn reminds her that he's grown up with Duncan. And maybe it's the novelty of having someone treat her like she's worth listening to, but Alix (partially) spills her guts. She discloses that Duncan is angry but not the reason why. Finn notes that Duncan is as full of anger and bitterness as Finn himself is, but hides it better.

Finn does slip back into form here:

“Being his cheysula?” he asked in surprise. “Well, there was a way out of that…once.” He grinned sardonically. “You had only to be meijha to me.”

“I did not mean that,” she said sharply. “I spoke of learning new customs, and conducting myself the way a Cheysuli woman does.”

Finn thought about it. “Perhaps that is true. I had never thought of it.” He shrugged. “This is the only life I know.”

Again, I really wish I was reading the book Roberson thought she was writing. Because if this scene were in a vacuum, without what came before, I might actually think it's cute. He's not saying this to harass her. He's trying to distract her/cheer her up. He's even admitting, to an extent at least, that he hadn't really thought about how hard this was for her.

God, that's how bad Duncan is now. He's almost making me appreciate Finn. But I can't, because I remember how terrible he is.

Anyway, Alix expresses some bitterness over her abduction, and Finn discloses something that we already knew. (Oh yes, I missed this trait of yours, Ms. Roberson.) Namely that Duncan is jealous of Carillon and fears that Alix may go back. I reluctantly have to give some credit to Finn again (WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, Ms. Roberson?!) because he's possibly the first character to acknowledge that being Carillon's light woman would be a position of honor and wealth and more than what the Cheysuli can offer her.

Because honestly, after the bullshit Duncan put her through, there's no way I could have tolerated another lecture on how meijha in the clans is a better, more honorable position than ANYTHING in Homana.

Anyway, Alix asserts that she's not interested in what men can give her. She's here with Duncan because she loves him. She asserts that she does intend to remain with the clan, and we get a moment from Finn that starts off almost good...

Finn lifted her hand, encircling her wrist with his fingers as he had done so long before. “Does what you feel for him pall, Alix, or he dies in this war we face…you may come to me.” He silenced her before she could protest. “No. I do not mean it out of my own desire for you, though that is unchanged.” He shrugged, dismissing it. “I mean for you to come to me in safety, should you ever need it.”

“Finn—”

And then finishes gross:

He released her wrist. “I am not always so harsh, rujholla. But you never gave me the chance to show you otherwise.”

He left before she could say anything more. Alix, staring after him, wondered if perhaps she had done him an injustice in her thoughts.

MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T KEPT THREATENING TO RAPE HER. And holy hell, Roberson, PICK whether Finn sees her as a sister or a lust object.

Also, Alix. No. You didn't "do an injustice" to a man who kept threatening to rape you. It is not your fault that your author doesn't appreciate the threat of rape for what it really is.

The thing is, this was a really good Finn scene. And if Roberson wrote Finn like this all along, then he probably would have been a favorite character. (As I mentioned before, one of the heartbreaking parts of reading Shapechangers after having started the series with Song of Homana, for thirteen year old me, was that Finn actually had been my favorite. That's because Song of Homana Finn is written like THIS. Not a leering rapist.)

Look, there's always going to be an issue with the way this book uses the Cheysuli. At its best, it's still a racist captive fantasy dressed up in fantasy trappings. But it could have been written in a way that didn't make every single Cheysuli a rapist or rape apologist.

In a better book, Finn would have captured Carillon, and Alix would have been along the way because he couldn't leave a witness. He would have been attracted to her and maybe even flirted in her direction. But his focus would have been on the useful prisoner. Maybe Carillon escapes, but in the process Alix ends up revealing her ability to talk to lir. They realize she's Cheysuli. Finn's flirtation efforts ramp up a bit. Duncan also expresses his own interest, albeit more guardedly. He feels a connection through tahlmorra. Carillon returns and rescues Alix.

They go to Torrin, who tells Alix her backstory. She goes to confront Shaine. At first she meant to talk to him, but she loses her temper and nearly causes her own death. But Cai saves her.

She wants to learn about her heritage, so she goes with Duncan. The Cheysuli don't yet know she's Hale and Lindir's daughter. Though they know she's one of them. She doesn't tell them, because a) she is worried they'll hate her for being connected to Shaine, and b) she doesn't realize this is Hale's clan, so it doesn't seem relevant.

We can still have a variation of the courtship drama, but Finn isn't an attempted rapist. He's just roguishly flirty. Duncan is harder to read. But she's drawn to him more. The Malina thing maybe can still be a factor, but Duncan isn't trying to force her into anything. He thinks that he has a responsibility to Malina's child, so he tries to let Alix go. There's no forcing here, but it will be easier for them to help her if one of them is "engaged" to her. Finn's the obvious choice, but she still longs for Duncan. The triangle resolves with Malina's reveal. They get married. Alix reveals the shapechanging power, and they ask the shar tahl about her heritage and we learn about Hale that way. (There's no real way to make the Old Blood bullshit non-racist, but we can at least make the sibling incest not a thing). Then Finn's out of the running no matter what, since almost every culture on Earth frowns on siblings fucking.

I think if we had that set up, his flirty behavior in this scene would have read as an attempt by a long lost brother to cheer up his sister with absurdity, and I would really like this scene.

Of course, if we're changing this much, Duncan also isn't an asshole who abused his wife. So. Maybe this was an exercise in futility.

Keighvin thinks they should all be castrated at this point, honestly.

So anyway, we're told that Duncan said little to her in the morning as they part, because he's a total fucking dick who doesn't care that he's leaving his SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD, PREGNANT wife hanging. Apparently he HAD come back sorry, and much less angry, but he still was determined that she wouldn't do anything to endanger herself or the child. We're told she agrees with him outloud, but she's calmly considering when would be the best time to assume lir-shape and go herself.

...on one hand, I like Alix's initiative. And I like the idea of her getting her ass out of there, though I wish it were to Homana or Ellas to get the fuck away from these assholes. But WHY is she so fixated on going with them again?

It was really important for us to see him abuse her, but not important enough to see him apologize for it. Okay, Ms. Roberson.

To make matters worse for Alix, apparently Cheysuli women don't say goodbye in private, but they stand outside the pavilion to wave him off. "The custom, Duncan said, came from a wish to make parting easier on the warriors. It was difficult to leave a sobbing woman with any degree of confidence."

At this point, I genuinely believe Ms. Roberson was actively thinking of ways to make Cheysuli culture worse for Alix. And again, it's racist fucking bullshit. She's basically defined the thinly veiled First Nations allegory as a culture that only ever prioritizes men, and the women literally have NOTHING. EVER.

So Alix watches the army leave with their lirs, noting that she will "be them all". (Meaning she will learn to take all of the lir shapes.) She notes that she's only taken wolf shape twice, and nothing else, but a wolf will be too slow to catch the army. She's going to have to teach herself to fly.

So here are Alix's preparations:

Alix prepared rapidly, wanting to leave no later than afternoon. She drew a pair of Duncan’s worn leggings and soft jerkin from a chest, cutting both garments to her smaller size. The jerkin she put on over the top half of the gown she had worn at Homana-Mujhar, using it as a rough shirt to cover her arms and hide her figure. A leather strap served as a belt, and she pulled on her wolfskin boots, cross-gartered to the knees. Grimly she looked down at herself.

...how does this work?

I'm assuming by cutting them to size she means length, because she certainly doesn't have time for elaborate sewing, but they're still going to be far too big around torso and hips. The idea of using her gown is clever, but it's hard to imagine a lady's gown is going to be anywhere near the same material as a tunic. Someone has to notice that.

Alix does admit that at best, she looks like a Cheysuli boy playing at being a warrior. But she can't go to war wearing skirts. Then she focuses on making herself a bird, by following Storr's "think yourself into your new shape" lessons. She succeeds and she flies out of the pavilion into the sky.

GOOD GIRL. RUN.

Sadly, she starts looking for the lir instead. She has to stop to rest, since she's not used to prolongued flight. We're noted that the gods given gift includes the ability to take clothes with her when she takes shape, so she's not running around naked. I won't bitch about that, it's a common shapeshift magic conceit.

I also like that Alix isn't instantly awesome at flying.

But here, Alix loses some braincells. She finds a cave, clearly man made, with blankets and bags, and the like. She enters, and only then thinks that she might not be welcome. Considering there's an entire PURGE going on...

But then, to be fair, Alix has only known she was Cheysuli for a short time. And most of that was at the dubious safety of the Keep.

Fortunately, the man turns out to be nice. He's a refugee from Bellam's troops and believes she is too. His name is Oran, and he's wearing crusted, age cracked leather and rusted mail. His lord and army had been murdered by the army of Bellam's ally Keough of Atvia. He has additional news: his lord was Fergus (Carillon's father, Shaine's commander).

He deserted because he had no interest in killing men "like beasts" in the name of Shaine, who keeps himself safe behind ensorcelled walls while thousands die. Fair enough, dude. As we've pointed out before, there's been nothing to show that Shaine is any worthier to lead than our villainous invaders. But he's got even worse news: Carillon's now Keough's prisoner.

By the way, it should be noted that Oran is very unattractive. He's got lank hair, as mentioned, filthy armor, and he has broken yellow teeth. I mention that because of course, he's not as nice as he seems. He pulls out a pouch filled with gems and jewels that he stole from the dead. Alix is revolted, but well, it's not like the dead needed them. (Also, how exactly do the Cheysuli get their gold now?) Oran points out that he's not a noble, how else should he get such things.

Fair enough, in my books. But Alix starts getting nervous, since she's wearing the lir torque Duncan gave her and topaz earrings. There's a fun bit of classism here:

“So,” she said on a long breath, “you will slay me for my wealth as well.”

He grinned. “There need be no slaying, lady. You have only to give them to me.” He stroked his bottom lip. “I have never seen your like before. Are you some lord’s light woman?”

The insult did not touch her. Oran, in his commonness, did not recognize it as such. And the Cheysuli had begun to change her perceptions of such things.

I'm glad you're starting to move away from slut-shaming, Alix. But really? After all that nonsense about you being a common Croftsgirl? I mean, sure, as a "tenant-crofter", Oran would be lower rank than Torrin, who is a landowner. But still.

Anyway, Alix decides to reveal that she's a Cheysuli, which initially scares Oran, but then makes him more greedy: since she's under the death decree, he could just kill her and take her stuff. Alix warns him against it, but he blocks the cave entrance and lifts his knife. He starts to reach for her torque, and she turns into a wolf.

Hah. I really do enjoy this sort of "when bad guys mug a superhero" kind of thing. And Alix doesn't kill him or anything, she just scares him and exits into the forest. Apparently she's got her wind back, because she makes it to the Cheysuli camp.

When she enters the camp, she alerts Cai, and Duncan and Finn stand up instantly. She realizes that they think she's a wild animal, which is interesting. Apparently Cheysuli don't have ways to detect fellow shapeshifted Cheysuli? They also can't communicate directly without the lir. Interesting! She takes human form.

Finn is amused, teasing Duncan about how he is "powerful indeed" if Alix can't bear to be apart from him for two days. Duncan is silent and frowning. Oh for fuck's sake. Stop making FINN of all people look halfway tolerable. I mean look at this bullshit:

Alix, suddenly chilled and wearied by the exertion and tension of the past hours, ignored him and walked to the glowing bed of coals. There she dropped to her knees and stretched her hands over the embers.

Duncan slid his knife home in its sheath. He said nothing.

Finn laughed again and gathered up his blanket, dropping it over her shoulders as he moved softly to her. “There, rujholla,” he said mockingly. “If he will let you freeze, at least I will not.”

At least he's calling her "sister" this time. But for fuck's sake, Duncan, shape up.

(Somewhere in this camp, Keighvin wishes that Duncan would get his head out of his ass, hug his wife, and quiet the fuck down so they can all go to sleep.)

Instead, we get this bullshit:

Duncan stepped behind her, so close she could feel his knees against her back. “I suppose you will tell me why…eventually.”

“It was not what Finn said!”

“Well,” Duncan said, sighing, “it was too much to expect you to obey me. I should have put a spell on you.”

She jerked around so hard the blanket slid off a shoulder. “You can do that?”

He laughed and moved next to her, squatting down. He took a stick and stirred the coals.

“You do not know all of our gifts yet, cheysula. There are three. The Cheysuli can assume lir-shape, borrow the earth magic to heal, and also force submission on any save an Ihlini.” He smiled. “But that we save for extremity.”

“Duncan!”

He grinned at the coals. “I would not truly do it, cheysula. But you tempt me, with your forward ways.”

I love that the rapists can magically force submission. I also love that it's a joke that you're tempted to do it to your wife, who has been the victim of sexual harassment and attempted assault.

Alix says she came because of Duncan, but also Carillon. And she explains Carillon's predicament. And Duncan is a fucking idiot:

“He requires our help.”

“How would you know that? Or can you also read the minds of men in addition to the lir?”

She disliked the mocking glint in his eyes. “You know I cannot. But I met a man who says he saw Fergus slain and Carillon taken by Thorne, Keough of Atvia’s son. It was a bloody battle, from the appearance of his garments.”

“War is often bloody, Alix. Why else would I seek to keep you from it?”

“We must find Carillon.”

“The prince is no half-grown boy, Alix. And he is valuable. His captivity may well be unpleasant, but it will not be the death of him. Bellam—perhaps even Tynstar—will want him alive, for a time.”

She stared at him. “I begin to think you will allow this jealousy to prevent his rescue.”
“I am jealous of no one!” he snapped, and reddened as he heard Finn’s spurt of laughter.
“Duncan, we must go to him.”

“We go to Mujhara, to fight the Ihlini, They are a bigger threat than Keough.”
“Then you sentence Carillon to death!”

Duncan sighed heavily. “If his death is meant, it will happen. Carillon may not be Cheysuli, but he has his own sort of tahlmorra.”

1) I love how he belittles her and her abilities, even though literally no one else can do what she can.

2) I love how this dude who is supposed to be some great leader, who has already ordered his men to fight for a man who ordered a genocide, is suddenly unwilling to save the heir to the throne that could, y'know, STOP the genocide.

3) Duncan has told us more than once that Carillon has a VERY CLEAR tahlmorra, but he doesn't want to help.

Duncan uses the excuse of course that the Ihlini have taken Mujhara, and if the palace falls, the entire country will be in Tynstar's hands. Bellam will keep Carillon alive until the palace falls, but they have to save the city first.

...I mean, look, I'm all for saving a city over one dude. But I feel like this is really faulty logic. Why would Bellam keep Carillon alive again? Shaine's already pinned down. And if Shaine lives instead of Carillon, then you're STILL dealing with the qu'mahlin. Tynstar's pretty much already got the country, if the palace is the only thing left. And really, we've heard how tiny the Cheysuli population is by this point. Even granted that they can counter the Ihlini powers, are there really enough to counter full sized armies. (Of course, in this kind of book, but REALISTICALLY...)

Alix asks if Duncan is sending her back. He asks if she'd go if he did. She says no. So he tells her to sleep because they'll ride in the morning. There's a bit of banter about not giving Finn more ammunition to make fun of Duncan. Then Duncan promises to send Cai to Carillon to bring back word.

We end on this grotesque bit:

“Well,” she said after a silence, “it is something.”

His hand tightened threateningly on her throat. “Can you never be satisfied, Alix?”

“If I told you aye, you would cease trying to please me.” She spread her fingers against the hollow of his throat, feeling its pulse. “Duncan,” she whispered after a moment, “why have you never said you loved me?”

He was very still. “Because the Cheysuli do not speak of love.”

Alix sat bolt upright, dragging the blanket from him. “What do you say?”

His hand reached out and caught hers, pulling her back down against his chest. “I said we do not speak of love. It weakens a warrior, who should think of other matters.” He smiled into the darkness. “For all that, words do not always serve.”

“Then am I supposed to guess?”

He laughed softly and settled the blanket over them again. “There is no need for you to guess. I have given you answer enough, before.” His hand slid down to rest across her stomach as he whispered. “You bear my son, Alix. Is that not enough?”

She stared into the darkness. “For now…”

a) How generous of you, Duncan, offering to check up on someone close to Alix who is in distress. Who is also actually INCREDIBLY VALUABLE and a MAJOR FIGURE IN YOUR PROPHECY.

(Keighvin, if he knew about this, would think this is tremendous bullshit! Who CARES about the genocidal maniac! Save the dude who might stop it!)

b) By what definition is a man tightening his hand around a woman's throat romantic? I mean, okay, if this were some kind of consensual sex play. BUT THIS ISN'T.

c) Why would anyone WANT to be a Cheysuli at this point? I mean, look, whenever you create a fictional culture there are going to be parts that are good, parts that are bad, and parts that are just alien. And I mean, that works for people who are native Cheysuli. They're raised in the culture. But what on Earth is attractive to Alix at this point?

She's got her powers mastered now. She understands her heritage. What do they have to offer her except a society that prioritizes the men so much that the idea that women might cry to see them go off to war is inconvenient. A woman can be forced into a marriage she doesn't want. A woman can have her child taken from her. A woman is publicly humiliated if she doesn't want a partner at all. And apparently, they don't even bother to say that they love each other.

And I mean, that's be fine if Duncan actually bothered to show it at any point in this book. But basically all he's given her at this point is abuse. FINN made more of a gesture to Alix's comfort and happiness than Duncan did. Fucking FINN.

And don't get me started on "Impregnating you, which I didn't even know I did until you told me and then I physically abused you for it, is how I show my love."

I still hate this fucking book.