I Read What?!

So last time, we resolved the last minute plot of Alix getting kidnapped by Tynstar in a remarkably unsatisfying way. Well, there was one thing I kind of liked about it, as someone who suffered through all of Shapechangers, but for the most part, it seemed awfully arbitrary.

But now we're in the final chapter of the book. The end. Finito. I might actually be a little sad about this.



So the chapter starts with Carillon informing Donal of his father's death. The poor kid takes it with composure, asking only after his mother. Carillon says that she's well. "She -- sleeps. Your father gave her that."

...well, that's one word for it. Robbed her of emotional closure and the chance to say goodbye would be another. But Duncan wouldn't be Duncan if he didn't go out violating Alix's autonomy one last time.

All Donal says is "Tahlmorra." Carillon thinks that as an eight year old child, he would have wept or screamed with grief. But Donal has a lir and already understands the price.

Carillon has this charming thought as he gazes at the kid: Alien, I thought, so alien. Will Homana accept you?

Well, that's your job now, isn't it?

The scene shifts to Carillon helping Alix down from her horse at the keep. She's pale and thin. It's apparently six weeks after Duncan's death, and I'm wondering what the hell took so long? Did it take six weeks to find Valgaard? Poor Alix.

Anyway, as much as I hate Duncan, I do feel for Alix here. She gets rescued from an awful experience only to lose the man she loves. And while I do think she's better off without him, that's still a blow. Carillon urges Donal inside Duncan's pavilion, noting that it's Donal's as much as it was his father's.

“Carillon,” she said. No more. There was no need. All the grief was in her voice.

I put out my arms and pulled her against my chest. With one hand I smoothed the heavy hair. “Now do you see? This is not the place for you. I would have spoken earlier, but I knew it would do no good. You had to see for yourself.”

Carillon, the woman is traumatized and grieving, but this is still her home. She's been living with the Cheysuli for nine years. What do you have to offer her? Torrin's dead and she's not interested in the palace.

And of course, the palace is what he's offering her. He wants her to stay with him. He notes that Electra won't live forever (um? She might? Does her magic youth have a time limit?) and that he can marry Alix and make her his Queen after that. Until then, Alix is still a princess. She is, after all, Carillon's cousin and that comes with rank.

Seriously dude? It's only been six weeks!

Alix is not on board with this, claiming she owes Duncan more than that (...she doesn't.) Carillon is pushy: “Alix—I will not press you. I will give you what time you need. But do not deny me this. Not after all these years.”

Dude, you really want to go this route again? What do you call this if not pressing her?!

But Alix has an irrefutable argument:

“By the gods!” she cried. “I carry Tynstar’s child!”

Oh...poor Alix.

She gives some horrible details:

“He did not beat me.” Her voice was steady. “He did not harm me. He did not force me.” Her eyes shut for a moment. “He simply took my will away and got a child upon me.”

Oh, honey. That's still rape. None of this is your fault, and you deserved so much better than this craptastic tacked on bit of pain.

And Carillon?

I could not move. I wanted to put out my hands and touch her, to tell her I did not care, but she knew me better than that. I could not move. I could only think of the Ihlini and his bastard in her belly.

You dick.

I shut my eyes a moment, still aching with the knowledge. Again, I lost her. But this time not to Duncan. Not even to Duncan’s memory. That I might expect.

But not this. Not losing her to Tynstar. To a bastard Ihlini child!

By all the gods, it hurt. It hurt like a knife in my loins. I wanted to vomit the pain.

And then I thought of hers.

FINALLY. Because this really fucking isn't about you. Also, the fact that Alix was raped really shouldn't be a dealbreaker here.

Though it's probably for the best that this got resolved, because then:

I went to her. I took the doorflap out of her hands and motioned her inside. And then we both turned to go in, and I saw Finn beside the fire.

Oh, yes. Now this, unlike the bullshit inflicted on poor Alix, is EARNED.

The light was stark on his face. I saw again the livid scar that marred cheek and jaw; the silver in his hair. Then he rose, and I saw he had grown thin. The gold seemed heavier on his arms.

Finn greets Alix first:

“Meijha,” he said, “I am sorry. But a tahlmorra cannot be refused. Not by an honorable man. And my rujho was ever that.”

It's a credit to this book that "Meijha" actually feels like a genuine term of affection rather than sexual harassment.

Alix is shocked that Finn knows, but Finn has always known that Duncan would die. So did Duncan. He didn't know the how or when, or who'd do it. But they knew. "Meijhana, I am sorry. I would give him back to you, could I do it.”

...it's odd, but I actually believe this.

They embrace, and he tells her that when one lir is lost, they all know. But Finn couldn't come any sooner. There's something he had to do.

Carillon has his own emotional reaction. He's "wrung out with all the emotions" and has to sit down. I bet. He also notes that one of Finn's hands seems to linger in Alix's hair. I prefer to think that's projection, because unlike Carillon, Finn isn't hitting on her. Carillon admits, comfort from Finn would be best. He's not just Alix's brother, but Duncan's as well. And honestly, it's been so long since I thought about that, but it really is fucking weird, isn't it?

I sighed. “Electra has been banished. She lives on the Crystal Isle. There is no question about her complicity in Tynstar’s attempt to slay me. Did you wish it—you could take up your place again.”

He did not smile. “That time is done. A blood-oath, once broken, is never healed. I come home, aye, to live in the Keep again—but nothing more than that. My place is here, now. They have named me Cheysuli clan-leader.”

Oh, Carillon. Always coming to your senses a little too late.

Alix is shocked at the idea of rebellious Finn in Duncan's place. But I'm not sure that's a bad idea. Duncan was always kind of crap as a leader. Even in Shapechangers, there were times where I ended up reluctantly admitting that Finn, as bad as he was, had some decent points. (Like: maybe don't let Carillon leave to come back and kill us later/let's not all die to save a genocidal maniac). And in Song, he basically found ALL of the hiding Cheysuli, when Duncan never found a one.

So...maybe he will be better at leadership. It's hard to imagine he could be worse.

Finn just says that people change. He credits it to Torry. Apparently, he learned a little peace. (Carillon thinks that he likes the Cheysuli word, shansu better.)

Carillon FINALLY apologizes for sending his true love away. Finn accepts that Carillon had no choice. He says that Torry made him see that. He also admits that Carillon let Torry go with him. He might have stopped her.

Carillon says that he knows the folly of trying to stop Finn and...oh...

“You should have tried,” he said. “You should have kept her by you. You should have wed her to the Ellasian prince…because then she would still be alive.”

Damnit. Such a waste.

And maybe fitting. If you read the slash subtext in this series like I do, we end up with both men sublimating their love for each other in other partners. And in the end, both attempts end unhappily. Carillon deserved his fate. But Finn and Tourmaline didn't. (...well, THIS Finn. The Finn in Shapechangers deserved far worse.)

Anyway, yeah. Tourmaline died. Two days before Duncan lost his lir. Which means that if Carillon had decided to ask the Cheysuli to track them down and bring them back right after he woke up from that coma, then maybe, just maybe, there'd have been time to save her.

Hindsight.

So can Carillon make this about him?

Finn,” Alix said, “oh, Finn—no—”

“Aye,” he said roughly, and I saw the new pain in his eyes. It mirrored that in my own.

I turned to go out. I could not stay. I could not bear to see him, knowing how she had loved him. I could not bear the grief. I had to deal with it alone.

...of course he can. But then...he hears the baby cry.

Tourmaline was pregnant, remember.

Finn let go of Alix. He turned and pulled the tapestry aside. I saw him kneel down and gather a bundle from the pallet. He was gentle. More gentle than I had ever seen him. Incongruous, in him. But it seemed to fit him well, once I got over the shock.

...it's long past time that "get a room" is possible. But sigh wistfully and write regretful poetry is still an option, Carillon.

The baby's name is Meghan. She's four months old. And very hungry. We're told that Torry couldn't feed her, so Finn stole milk. There's a touch of humor when he admits that sometimes cows weren't always willing to be milked.

I wonder how healthy it is to feed a baby solely on cow's milk. But I don't know anything about baby development. Meghan's alive, at least. Alix takes the baby from him and tells him that she'll save his pride by finding him a wet-nurse. She calls him rujho, which is something I don't think she's ever called him before. It feels right.

I complained about the resolution between these characters feeling forced and unearned at the end of Shapechangers. The characters have had very little direct interaction in Song of Homana, but oddly, it does feel like it works here. Maybe it's just their parallel fates. They're both wounded and lost, grieving lost loves, burdened with new babies and responsibilities (because of course no one floats the option of abortion, for Alix), but surviving all of that.

At this moment, I really do feel like Alix and Finn share a kinship that they've never had before. And much to my utter shock, I'm actually glad they have each other. (Platonically!)

I saw a shadow of his familiar grin as she slipped outside the pavilion. It took the hardness from his face and lessened the pain in his eyes. I saw it now, where I had not before. He had lost more than a brother.

And I had lost a sister. “Gods,” I said, “what happened? How did Torry die? Why…why?”

I want to know too. I liked Torry! A lot! And she deserves better than this.

The smile dropped away. Finn sat down slowly and motioned me down as well. After ten months, too long a time, we shared company again. “She was not bred for privation,” he said. “She had pride and strength and determination, but she was not bred for privation. And carrying a child—”

Apparently, Torry became sick about three months after they left the palace. She'd said it was just a fever that "breeding women" get. Finn, being stupid, believed her. (Carillon notes that Finn looks gaunt, "privation agreed with him no more than it had with her")

And then it gets worse:

“When I saw she got no better, I took her to a village. I thought she needed the companionship of women as well as a shelter better than the rude pavilion I provided. But—they would not have me. They called me shapechanger. They called me demon. They called her whore and the child demon’s-spawn. Sorcerer’s get.” The anger was in his eyes and I saw the beast again, if only for a moment. But I also saw the guilt he had placed upon himself. “Shaine is dead and the qu’mahlin ended…but many prefer to observe it. And so she bore Meghan in what shelter I could provide, and weakened each day thereafter.” He shut his eyes. “The gods would not hear my petition, even when I offered myself. So I gave her Cheysuli passing when she was dead, and brought her daughter home.”

Damnit. Now this. This feels like a tragedy that's earned.

Because of course hatred doesn't stop. And of course, a mixed race couple in the aftermath of the qu'mahlin is going to be incredibly vulnerable to this.

It sucks. It SUCKS that we lose Tourmaline. But at the same time, in a story sense, this does fit.

It's the last culmination of Carillon's tragedy. The last of his bad decisions come home to roost. He chose Electra over Finn, and in doing so, he drove them away. The Clan Keep wouldn't have been an option for them, not with Carillon relying on Duncan so heavily. Carillon's decision killed his sister, and wounded his true love to the point of no return.

And it fits for Finn too. Finn has spent this book under the shadow of his father. The man who left him before his birth. The man who chose a princess over his own family and brought the qu'mahlin down on all of them. Finn sought the star magic to validate his tie to the father he never knew. But in the end, he is his father's son. He and Tourmaline left. Just like Hale and Lindir. They went, not to the Keep, but somewhere else entirely. And it led to tragedy.

And finally, it fits as a warning of the future. Donal will be king of this realm. A Cheysuli man with a Homanan bride. The tragedy of his grandfather and grandmother. The tragedy of his aunt and uncle. They all warn about what can happen. Donal will have a very hard path to kingship.

This is how you add tragedy that matters. Alix's kidnap by Tynstar means absolutely nothing, in the long run. It accomplished nothing. All it did was get Duncan killed. And while I'm on board with that, I think there were probably other ways to kill him off than to stage an incredibly traumatic event for a woman who's barely had two scenes in the book.

So anyway, Carillon is struck by his helplessness and his failure to stop the purge. Finn, meanwhile, apologizes. He didn't mean for Carillon to lose her twice. But Carillon, wisely, blames Shaine for killing Tourmaline.

He asks about Meghan. Technically speaking, she is a princess of Homana. Finn is, of course, aghast.

He stared at me. “Have you learned nothing? Are you still chained by such things as rank? By the gods, Carillon, I thought by now you might have learned—”

“I have,” I said. “I have. I do not mean to take her. I merely wanted you to think. You have admitted Torry died because the privation was too hard. Do you give the same life to your daughter?”

“I give her the Keep,” he said softly. “I give her what her blood demands: the heritage of a Cheysuli.”

I smiled. “Who speaks now of rank? You have ever believed yourself better than a Homanan.”

He shrugged. “We are as the gods have made us.”

Oh. How I did miss these two at their best.

They exchange some banter about age and poor condition. Carillon tells Finn to tend Meghan well and bring her often. "She has other blood besides the shapechanger taint, and I would have her know it."

It says something about their closeness that this line works in context.

Anyway...

As for the Mujhar of Homana, he requires no single liege man. He has all the Cheysuli clans to render him aid when he needs it.”

“Nonetheless,” I said, “I would have you take the knife back.” I slipped it from the sheath. The gold hilt gleamed softly in the light from the firecairn: rampant Homanan lion and a blade of purest steel.

I thought he would not take it. Another was in his sheath, one of Cheysuli craftsmanship. But he put out his hand and accepted it, though there was no blood-oath to accompany the acceptance.

“Ja’hai-na,” he said quietly.

I went silently out of the tent.

This isn't a marriage ceremony for once. But it's not a bitter divorce either. It's a goodbye. There's still love here and that will never change. But it's not enough.

Love wasn't enough to save Duncan. It wasn't enough to save Tourmaline. And it's not enough here. But there's still something a little bit beautiful about it. Even through the tragedy, there's something left.

Carillon goes to leave, and he hears a bit of flute music in the distance. It's playing Lachlan's Song of Homana. A Cheysuli flute playing the Song of Homana in a Cheysuli Keep.

And more than that, Donal's on the road too. He wants to join him. Alix had given permission. He rides Carillon's horse with him. They gallop away.

And here...the story ends.