I Read What?!

So last time we had no action at all. Hmph. We did have Bruenor and Catti-brie being hilariously incompetent with a flaming chariot and me expressing sympathy for Harkle Harpell of all people.



Oh, good. Happily this chapter starts at the Sea Sprite, which is having a nice, easy cruise out of Baldur's Gate. It's going pretty fast, thanks to some strong trade winds, but, as we're told "a wizard's call traveled faster still".

We follow Deudermont as he does some neat merchant tricks, shadowing other vessels in the hopes that they will be a much easier target to pirates. That seems like a dick move, but that's a merchant for you, I guess.

Drizzt asks how the other merchant ship feels about carrying the Sea Sprite in tow, and whether they understand that they're basically fodder. That's a fair question, and for once, I'm not going to mock Drizzt.

Apparently, the answer is yes. The other ship does know what Deudermont is doing, and would do the same if their positions were reversed. Also, even just having a second ship, especially one from Calimport, will deter many pirates.

Drizzt asks if they expect the Sea Sprite to come to their aid in an attack.

Deudermont knew that Drizzt was interested in discovering if the Sea Sprite would indeed go to the other ship's aid. Drizzt had a strong streak of honor in him, Deudermont understood, and the captain, of similar morals, admired him for it. But Deudermont's responsibilities as the captain of a vessel were too involved for such a hypothetical situation.

"Perhaps," he replied.

Drizzt let the line of questioning end, satisfied that Deudermont kept the scales of duty and morality in proper balance.

You know, Drizzt. If you were REALLY the paragon of virtue that we are supposed to think you are, I feel like you wouldn't accept "perhaps" as an answer. But then Drizzt's honor does seem awfully convenient sometimes.

Also I kind of 'ship Drizzt/Deudermont. Pun unintended.

And just as this exchange finishes, we get to find out what perhaps means: they spot two pirate ships. The other ship seems to be the target. Drizzt wants in:

"Then let us close up with them," the drow said. "Two against two seems a fairer fight."

Deudermont stared into Drizzt's lavender eyes and was almost stunned by their sudden gleam. How could the captain hope to make this honorable warrior understand their place in the scenario? The Sea Sprite flew Calimport's flag, the other ship, Murann's. The two were hardly allies.

"The encounter may not come to blows," he told Drizzt. "The Murann vessel would be wise to surrender peacefully."

Drizzt began to see the reasoning. "So flying Calimport's flag holds responsibilities as well as benefits?"

Deudermont shrugged helplessly. "Think of the thieves' guilds in the cities you have known," he explained. "Pirates are much the same an unavoidable nuisance. If we sail in to fight, we would dispel any self-restraint the pirates hold upon themselves, most probably bringing more trouble than need be."

I...feel like this completely contradicts what you just said before, Deudermont. And I'm not sure whether to blame you or the writing.

Deudermont confuses me more here:

Deudermont, inspired by Drizzt's grasp of principles - a grip that would not allow such acceptance of rogues - put a hand on the elf's shoulder. "If the encounter comes to blows,"

the captain said, drawing Drizzt's gaze back to his own, "the Sea Sprite will join the battle."

Drizzt turned back to the horizon and clapped Deudermont's hand with his own. The eager fire returned to his eyes as Deudermont ordered the crew to stand ready.

...wouldn't that make the situation worse? Based on what you JUST SAID?

I give up. Maybe the problem is me, not the writing. But I'm not following ANY of this logic.

It's a moot point anyway though, as it becomes very clear that the pirates are actually aiming for the Sea Sprite. Looks like Drizzt and Wulfgar (who was in a lookout perch) will get their fight after all.

Drizzt thinks about the fireballs in the night sky at Baldur's Gate and wonders if that was some kind of signal.

So Deudermont tries some fancy sailing maneuver first, and Wulfgar (who's climbed or lept back down) is helping with the mainmast. They're aiming for a channel between reef and island. But they're cut off by the arrival of a THIRD vessel.

"But we've no cargo of particular value," the captain continued, trying to reason through the unusual turn of events. "Why would pirates run three vessels in a strike against a single ship?"

Drizzt knew the answer.

Of course he does. Even though the only thing he actually knows is that Artemis Entreri specifically captured Regis (and Guen) to goad Drizzt into a fight. He has no idea a) what the Thieves' Guild is, b) what contact Entreri has with the Thieves' Guild, c) what investment Pasha Pook has with any of this, d) I don't think he even knows WHY Entreri was hunting Regis to begin with.

Long and the short, Drizzt shouldn't have any idea what's happening. This should be very fucking confusing based on the information that he has. This is not a matter of clever deduction! He has no way to have any of this information!

You know who MIGHT have been able to figure this out? Deudermont. Deudermont knows Calimport, and he's talked to Drizzt enough that he probably has some idea of Drizzt's mission. He may well recognize the name of Artemis Entreri, or at least his style, and that the Guildmaster of Thieves may find it easier for Drizzt and Wulfgar dead.

But Salvatore won't let other characters be the wisest in the room when Drizzt is around.

There is a really quick scene shift to Catti-brie and Bruenor, who follow the locket away from the coast, then back to the battle.

And some credit to Salvatore, he actually lets Drizzt be Wr-wr-wr-WRONG for once:

"We can run by her," Drizzt said to Deudermont, for the third ship still had not raised its sails.

The experienced captain recognized the flaw in the reasoning. The primary purpose of the ship coming out from the island was to block the channel's entrance. The Sea Sprite could indeed sail past that ship, but Deudermont would have to take his ship outside the dangerous reef and back into open water. And by then, they would be well within the catapult's range.

I'll take what I can get.

Things get worse when lightning starts blasting the ship. The badguys have a wizard.

The seething fire in Drizzt's eyes told Deudermont that the elf had already decided upon his first task in the fight. Even in their obvious disadvantage, the captain felt a tug of pity for the wizard.

I ship it. Anyway, this inspires a crazy plan from Deudermont. They sail into the reef, pretending cluelessness.

A viewpoint shift to Pinochet the pirate immediately tells us that he's not fooled:

From the bridge of his flagship, the fast-flying vessel on the east, Pinochet the pirate watched the maneuvering of the Sea Sprite with concern. He knew Deudermont's reputation well enough to know that the captain would not be so foolish as to put his ship onto a reef under a bright midday sun at low tide. Deudermont meant to fight.

Ooo, adversary slash. Can I read a book about the Sea Sprite crew?

Back to Bruenor and Catti-brie. They find the Sea Sprite! And the attackers. And they veer toward the bulkiest ship to aim for the catapult.

Back to Pinochet, watching the chariot strike. The Sea Sprite crew are too busy to worry about something behind them (though of COURSE, Drizzt gives it a second look and notices glimpses of things that might be familiar).

Wulfgar is commanded to pull on the mainmast, and the ship pivots, and the crew are of course amazed by Wulfgar's strength. This very tight turn stuns the pirates, even as the Sea Sprite rams them. Our heroes board.

Drizzt, of course, looks for the wizard. He's not dressed like one, but he's doing spellcasting motions and has magical sprinkles around him. Drizzt uses his cool drow ability "faerie fire" to make purple flame envelope the wizard. The wizard tries an invisibility spell, but the faerie fire outline remains.

...wait, does that really work in game terms?! Fuck it, I'm pretty sure all of these characters are or will be impossible in game terms.

Wulfgar smashes the wizard with his hammer. Yay, teamwork!

--

Shifting to the other two ships, they're distracted by the chariot, and Catti-brie is readying her bow. And we get a reference to the fucked up racial alignment politics of the setting:

"Think o' yer friends," Bruenor comforted her, seeing her hesitation. Only a few weeks earlier, Catti-brie had killed a human out of necessity, and the act had not set well with her.

The twenty something duergar were fine though.

Catti-brie takes aim at a sailor and again, we're meant to feel something?

She huffed a deep breath to steady herself and took a bead on a sailor, standing mouth agape, not even realizing that he was about to die.

Seriously, Salvatore? Drizzt and Wulfgar JUST smashed a wizard off the ship. Why doesn't he get sympathy?

But Catti-brie finds a better target: the catapult itself. Magic arrows are magic, so she's able to damage its wooden arm so that it no longer has strength. Nice.

Back at the Sea Sprite, there is more fighting. Wulfgar grabs some guy by the crotch and throws him overboard. (He'd launched his warhammer already, and the pirates had thought he was easy prey.)

Drizzt is also having fun. Twinkle, the stupidly named scimitar, is glowing blue. I can't wait until it gets to meet the other stupid magic scimitar, Icingdeath. They're not sentient, but I still ship them.

Blah blah, fight fight.

But then something otable happens:

The remaining five pirates froze as if paralyzed, their mouths hanging open in silent screams of terror.

Deudermont and the helmsman also jumped back in surprise and confusion, for with Drizzt absorbed in the concentration of battle, the magical mask had played a trick of its own. It had slipped from the drow's face, revealing his dark heritage to all around.

Oops. Gosh, you'd almost think that a member of a race known for attempted genocide (albeit a peaceful nice one) getting caught pretending to be a member of a non-genocidally inclined race might not be taken well.

I hope Deudermont can get past this though. I still kinda ship them.

Back to Bruenor, who is doing something, and Catti-brie who is doing something else. This is accomplished by jumping off the chariot into the water. I hope she can swim. (...given that she's from a frozen climate where hypothermia seems like an inevitable thing, where did she learn to swim? Never mind.)

Bruenor yells a warcry and long and short, Pinochet's ship explodes. Wulfgar pauses, while Drizzt "only smiled".

I hope Alustriel wasn't wanting that chariot back, because it's now an explody ball. Anyway, just in case we felt too sorry for Piochet:

Pinochet knew at once that his ship was lost. Not the first time, and probably not the last, he consoled himself as he calmly motioned his closest officer to help him loose a small rowboat. Two of his other crewmen had the same idea and were already untying the little boat when Pinochet got there.

But in this disaster, it was every man for himself, and Pinochet stabbed one of them in the back and chased the other away.

Of course he's a dick. Bruenor goes for the lifeboat and yay, fight.

Back to Wulfgar and Drizzt. Drizzt still doesn't know his mask has slipped. The pirates are more inclined to flee than fight now. And the Sea Sprite folk are winning their own fights and taking lots of prisoners.

Back to Bruenor and Pinochet. Bruenor wins and makes Pinochet row the boat.

Back to Wulfgar, who warns Drizzt that his mask is down. And aw:

"The mask is down," Wulfgar whispered to Drizzt when their business was finished. The drow slipped behind a mast and replaced the magical disguise.
"Do you think they saw?" Drizzt asked when he returned to Wulfgar's side. Even as he spoke, he noticed the Sea Sprite's crew lining the deck of the pirate ship and eyeing him suspiciously, their weapons in hand.

"They saw," Wulfgar remarked. "Come," he bade Drizzt, heading back toward the boarding plank. "They will accept this!"

Okay, as contrived and ridiculous as I find this whole flawed metaphor. I do find this really kind of touching.

Of course Drizzt has to ruin this:

Drizzt wasn't so certain. He remembered other times when he had rescued men, only to have them turn on him when they saw under the cowl of his cloak and learned the true color of his skin.

For fuck's sake, Drizzt. YOU ARE NOT A METAPHOR FOR RACISM. This isn't about "the true color of your skin". It's about the fact that you are a member of a genocidally, universally chaotic evil (...as far as anyone knows) civilization!

It's not fair to you, yes. And it sucks. But this is framed like the prejudice against Drizzt/the drow is because of their skin color. And it's not. Drow aren't evil because they're dark skinned. (...well, in character. I side-eye some of the creators who decided that drow should be dark. They COULD have done like Raymond Feist or Elizabeth Moon and made dark elves indistinguishable from normal elves, except for their ethics and civilization. And both writers were clearly inspired by D&D. They chose to abandon the racist bullshit, so the Forgotten Realms creators could have too.)

Anyway, I admit, I am a bit invested in how Drizzt will be received, despite the clumsy writing. We'll see next time.